6 May 2008 : evening....

a day to remember...
a day to remember...
a day to remember...

it's today....... maybe this the thrill i seek for... the up and down of life.. maybe I've complain to much on how plain my life is before... and keep motivating myself.. that.. no matter how plain my life is.. it's always interesting.... and today... it's different... how can i describe it? is it dark.... is it sunshine... is it weird... is it silly... is it.... bad... one thing to be sure.. it's ain't plain anymore.. nope.. it just.. something that bad.. yet good in the same time...

~today~
"what today bring for tomorrow?
what today be for yesterday?
sometime it's something that simply neglected..
and sometime... something to remember...

what it bring for tomorrow?
clear future? or blur path?
smile? or relief?
what would it be for yesterday?
sweetest memory...or painful experience?
or make your time stop?

today... only one thing is
in absolute certainty..
it won't be same...
be same with the other day..
no matter how ordinary it is..
it won't be the same...
it just unique.. yet how amazing
how amazing that.. it's just so ordinary..
but isn't this ordinary characteristic
make it special?
and because it special.. it's unique..
unique to each person."

can success mix with failure... can it occur in the same time.. if you put it in others view.. it can exist in the same time... lets say for a football... there's always a miss shot to the goal.. yet.. there's also winning... and losing team.. but to people who experience it themselves.. not reaching the target.. or simply letting down people's hope... is the greatest failure... i realize it now.. because today.. it just happen to me..

it just ordinary routine which always ended with success.. but.. contrary during the time for test.. it just when wrong.. i couldn't blame the external reason for it.. i couldn't blame the surrounding..
since others companion also in the same situation.. blaming is only a reason to justify thing.. and make myself a little comfortable.. deep inside.. it's clear when you're fail.. you fail.. that's no doubt about it... and why I'm the one who taste the taste of failure.. is just simply because .. i am the chosen one to carry a bad luck for today.. and seeing others pass.. bring me some joy.. at least.. others feel happy... he he.. but the fact is... in such a way of success.. there's always a room for failure.. it's something impossible to separate.. in that matter.. it might cause a debt to someone which equal to a guilt inside him.. 

thank god.. thanks... for the chance you gave.. it's a hard success.. yet.. success is success... but this success is not something i can celebrate..
because it summon a guilt.. it summon.. a debt... for me to put a burden to someone...
for me to cause such unreasonable act.. this feeling is not easy to erase.... it is a big as my sense of gratitude... thanks again.. because there are good peoples who care for this bad bad boy.. thanks god.. thanks.. buddy... thanks friend...

~success~
is it a success..
when it's only a letters jot on the paper
is it a success when it's only a certificate
when it come to the real deal..
you won't make it...
you're not qualify..
although black and white proved otherwise..
you know it yourself..
better than anyone else..
success doesn't need black and white.
it doesn't need proved..
it just need you..
you try your best.. that's a success..
you know you can do it... that's a success
you confident you can make it.. that's a success
you never give up.. that's a success..
you want to improve.. that's a success..
and.. by holding to this word..
i wont look back anymore..
we must move on..
to be more successful than before"

why today is the the day to remember.. because today.. my long plain life gain a roller coaster track.. it's up and down.. and it's more interesting than ever... because a failure... i achieved a success.. and to know that.. there are good people all around me... make me feel how lucky i am to live in this world.. and for their sake... i will do my best to return their favour and for... me... move on... march on... being stuck in this spot wont bring you out from guilt...
it'll buried you with darkness.. look at the bright side.. and smile for the gift that god gave you..
smile for the truth.. smile for the fact that.. each day is a new experience..

in this post.. i want to say thanks to these people.....

Abg Azam, for all the thing.. you help me a lot.. i don't know how to repay you... only god can do that.. and i pray to god.. i hope i can return you the favour..  you are the greatest person i ever made.. thanks

Kak Nora... thanks.. you teah me a lot... and sorry.. i let you down.. i'm ashame of myself...  thank for the comitment... the dedication... the spirit... the knowledge... the mumbling hahaha... the fun.. thanks..

PakCik Tukang kebun...Mr Gardener.. sorry my dear sir.. i don't know your name.. but there are a lot of useful advice you gave me.... thanks for the counsel.. you increase my moral after superb falling down..
thanks...

Pakcik Orang Brunei.. since he look like brunei people.. and sorry don't know his name.. thanks.. you bring me back from sorrow... it just good to look on the bright side... and thanks for your advice.. it's give me courage to fight the nervous...

to my buddy Khyru and Najib... you doing great today.. i'm happy for you.. seriously and sincerely.. i do... thanks for being here with me today... you guys cheer me up.. thanks buddy....
hahahaha... hey holiday wait dude.. lets go home... next sem? how about each of us rent a car.. and i race you to Pekan.. hey remember the speed limits.. don't go far beyond 60km/h.. ha ha..

thanks everyone... i owe you much... you are the greatest...